Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

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Decisions are good

Got up at around 8:30 today, then headed off to my dentist cleaning. Thank goodness for no surprise drillings today. Plus the hygienist I had is new and she was super nice. Also I got to read the full article in National Geographic on Argentine Tango. I was tempted to steal the whole magazine, but resisted :o)

I dropped my dad and grandmother off at the airport - he's flying back with her today. Also he called and I guess Anne was on the same flight as them! :D

Other than that, my brain is fried. Phil called today and I couldn't carry the conversation worth crap. Sorry about that dude. :o(

But I'm doing pretty well. Just trying to remember how it is living with just myself. Been doing a lot of thinking (which is partly what has contributed to the brain overload) and trying to get a grip on everything. I'm feeling okay with everything the way it is. I don't know what awaits me in Spain. I'm a little scared.. I think I'm really going to miss home. Dancing will help, I'm sure. I've decided not to take my iPod, or many books in English, which will help with the whole immersion thing. Also you will have to forgive me if I'm not that available while I'm there... I don't plan to spend much time in internet cafes and the like except to check e-mail.

I can already feel myself starting to become separated from all this, so it'll be easier to leave. I wonder sometimes what I'll feel about myself and other people when I get back from Spain. But here's a chance to begin everything again, and if I'm changed when I return, I'll know that it's me and nothing else. I keep thinking back on how it was when I went to China - how I had to throw everything I loved and all the parts of me that were precious away so that I could figure out who I really was, where I really belonged.

The person going to Spain now is not the same person who went to China. Because it's just me this time, and I must be bold about it. It's funny, I always think of Ashley when I'm going into such a new experience. I always admired how she could just dive into everything, nothing holding her back. That's how I want this to be. Forgive me if I cast you away...it's only until I find myself again.
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