Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

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Arisen

Elliott Smith softly in the background, the hum of my computer, Dave and Jean curled up on their beds. Spread across the kitchen table - half-filled bottles of amaretto, rum, vodka, gin, cartons of grapefruit and orange juice, undrunken shots. My being feels calm somehow, as though the hotly burning fire of this evening's fun has died down to embers, glowing warmly. I feel nearly complete.
This day was filled with dancing, teaching drunk Matt to dance, learning how to dance myself, with pancakes and laughters, reading by the light of an overcast sky, the balmy damp summer air wafting in through the screen door.

I'm not sure why I haven't been updating. I think sometimes I fear what I'll say here, that my fingers will somehow convey a strength of emotion that I don't feel strongly enough, or that I feel too honestly. I have a little under two and a half weeks left here in New York City. For some reason I feel like I'll be back here though; I'm in no hurry to "do everything." I'm not soaking enough of this life in; but maybe that just means I'm finally comfortable here.

My internship is going very well. I know the NGA staff really likes me, and I know I've done a good job. There's some new interns now, and they're all busting their butts to prove themselves as I once did. It feels nice to know things are winding down. Unlike Spain, I don't feel sad that I'll be leaving. I feel like I've done everything here that I wanted to do. And I'm ready to move onto the next chapter of my life.

Next year I'll be taking on the position of "Assistant Captain" to the competition team. I'm really looking forward to it; to having a real chance to make a difference for the team that gave me so much. I've missed being a part of BLAST, but my time away has made me so much of a better dancer. I feel really, really good about where I'm at right now. In fact, next year I'm not planning on dancing as much as a part of the team; I'd much rather spend more time being a coach and helping people feel good about their dancing and get better.

Ben got his orders for SD. He'll be leaving somewhat soon after NU graduation. It's hard; I still often feel like we should be around each other to share things. But I'm starting to accept that this next part of our lives has to be at least mostly apart. And I'm glad I'll get to see him again at graduation and share that with him.

This summer both Amy, Michelle and Alisa will be on the East Coast with me. It's kind of exciting, seeing where we're all heading. Growing up and all that. I can still remember being a little kid and looking at people my age, thinking how cool and tall and beautiful they were. I think sometimes I have that aura too, and it's nice. This past 3/4 of a year have been so good for building me up as a person, as this summer will be too. And then in the fall I think I want to build my return to being more other-centric, meaning concentrating on filling other people's needs (especially with the comp team) and working on my academics.

Anyway, I'm going to head to sleep now. Matt's sounding like he's done for the night.. and Janet is out of the apt completely. Dave and Jean are down for the night I think. It's times like these that I hold in my heart as the "easy times", the ones to look forward to when I'm down or out. This is when I feel perfectly in tune with the world, as if I know exactly what I must do, and I am ready for it.
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