But were I not so honest, who would I then be?
This entry has been a long time coming - it's been far too long since I last updated. In my sleep-drugged waking, I try to find words that might explain the past weeks, but find nothing. Except that I am doing what I want to do, with no regard for what might come of it. Some would call it selfishness, or honesty.
Between my trip to New Zealand, and my time spent at home, I felt every more strongly the ties of family. The sound of cheerful voices at the dinner table, of two guitars playing softly, the silence between completely comfortable people. It's the most undiluted truth I know, and I hold onto it with both hands. An anchor in life that by definition is uncertain and stormy.
Duty. Respect. Determination.
I live my life by these.
As for New Year's Resolutions, well, I think them unnecessary. Why shouldn't we evaluate everyday what we're doing, how it feels to us, whether it makes us comfortable, happy or sad? At the end of each day, we should then resolve to do what we believe in the next day. Find integrity in our interactions with those around us, so that they cannot turn to us years from now and say "I was wronged by you, because you wronged yourself." And in this manner, we also dismantle the power of regret.
I believe there is simple joy in this. In being able to walk down the street and feel completely within yourself, because all actions reflect what is also in you. And when I look up at the lacework of bare branches against winter sky, or examine the fast flutter of a chickadee across my path, I feel at peace with those things too. I, too, plant my feet in the earth, arch toward the sky, think of the singularity of each life.
As much as this is a statement of my beliefs, it also serves as a reminder to myself. It will become all too easy to forget what happiness is, and how deceptively near it lies. I believe in the power of writing down intention, and my faith in what I have placed here will sustain me.
oh, and here's a shout-out to Dan, just because. :P