Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

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Waking again

Sunday morning: Slowly parting clouds, shades of gray and summer blue. My desk faces the window by design, and through the screen-fuzzy view I watch squirrels tracing mousy barber pole stripes around the pine tree. One leaps to the roof, then the other, and the drumbeats of their tiny feet landing above me. Behind me in the sky the sunlight edges through. The tree is wrapped suddenly in a blanket of umber, embroidered with the shadows of its branches, its puzzle bark pieced with a deep golden glow.

The radio alarm today woke me, from a dream of a holiday dinner, haphazard but sweeter than usual. At the table sat family members now lost. I lay in bed for long minutes, thinking about my day. Thinking about dancing. Oddly enough, the confidences of my life are strong and bold. For the first time in months I am really, truly happy about my dancing. It excites me to think about. I feel confident in my learning for the first time since I first started dancing back here in California. Thanks to coaching from Ikaika, and practicing with John - both of whom demand the most I can give during lessons and practice, I've begun to hold myself to higher standards. And I think I can actually meet them. It feels like rediscovery.

I have to go soon, but I wanted to share some other exciting news. I was promoted in November, and I'm moving from one of the teams that I've been working on for a year to another team that's just beginning. I'm excited and scared; the new work will be a challenge but one that I am meeting gladly. I am learning the art of proceeding when everything before me is still unknown. It is a good feeling- like driving into a maze without knowing what will be within, but knowing that whatever comes up I'll be able to field it, and that learning and rewards will also come along the way.

Time to run to breakfast with Ravi and his parents, then off to find a Christmas tree with them. I'm hoping for hiking today too - I long to climb upwards through the trees, coming closer to the sky as the world proceeds heedless around me...
Tags: about cs, ballroom, family, google, relationships
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