Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

Finishes

 Glass of chocolate milk, oreos, just finishing up my econ studies in time to get in bed well before late. Amazing what a little focus and bunkering down in a team room with teammates can do. 

Oddly enough, exams are proving to be stressful and yet strangely liberating. With just one exam a day, I can sit down and devote big blocks of time to just one subject. And I'm finding, I'm actually learning and understanding the material. 

I'm not sure that I can take a lesson from this yet. Honestly, it's not possible, with my life the way it is (and the way bschool is scheduled) to ever actually focus in these luxurious long blocks of time during non-exam weeks. 

At the same time, it reminds me a little bit of idyllic days pre-Fuqua, where I would sometimes spend an entire day (8 hours or more) rotating between sprawling on the rug, curling in a chair and perching on the porch step as I worked my way through a book. The end of the day was always so satisfying. I always felt like I'd accomplished something, even if the day's list had only been one item long. 

Working life was never really like that. Even when a project ended, there was follow-up and debriefs and figuring out how to do something more with the results of said project. It always dovetailed to another project and, well, I never felt like I ever "finished" anything.  Maybe it's this odd churning that leads us to create artificial stop points in our lives - birthdays, New Year's Eve, anniversaries - ways to mark the time and say "I finished that year."

Would it be worth it to create more artificial endings? Would this allow me to celebrate myself and those around me more often? When Clay called today he congratulated me on finishing my exam. "Two more left, of course, but well done!" It felt surprisingly good, and I realized I'd been holding off until the last to feel accomplished. I ought to allow more satisfactions, to check off more boxes in my day, to value the actions of others more. Would it diminish the greater accomplishments? I'm not sure about this yet. I shall ponder - more later.
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