Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

Journey Forgotten

For the sake of memory and constancy, I am lowering the bar for myself. Anyway, isn't life a work of art, too?

My pilates instructor beat us this morning. Now, sore and weary, I am about to put final edits on our first entrepreneurial finance case.

Yesterday was a good day. I volunteered for the afternoon at the training session of the new COLE fellow class. I really wasn't needed, so as is the norm with volunteering, I got more out of my involvement than the trainees probably did. Was it really just a year ago that I was sitting in their seats? I was so clueless then, awed by those around me and just trying to understand myself. Just a year ago, we were the ones identifying our "strengths and constraints as a leader" our "mentorship style" and our "top 5 values."  

The journey board I made as a new COLE fellow last year is still on my wall, but today I feel less inspired, less empowered and less adventurous than I did then. How do I want to develop and be better? What legacy will I leave, and how can the next year move me toward that legacy?  These answers are drifting away from me.

Yet life retains its many simple pleasures. I walk out the front doors of Fuqua and the cherry trees are in full bloom, clouds of blossoms like spun sugar. After all our classes and meetings are over, Ben and I make dinner together, work for a while and then go to swing dance class. We've missed two weeks and I'm amazed at how the others have progressed in such a short time. We are actually starting to really dance now, and my own body begins to yearn for the training I've put on hold. USA Dance Nationals is coming up, and I both anticipate and dread going to watch. I know the dancing will thrill me, and I know I will want to be out there with them. I will come home, frustrated and sad.

My mind is mingled; my feet travel too many tracks. I need some wisdom, I need a kick in the pants. 
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