Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

What Ends With The Year

New Year's Eve spins into view again. The past week has been calm, filled with sunlight, and love. How quickly Christmas passed, with its wrapping paper and family time and feasting, and then I am walking out of a coffee shop with a friend, who gestures at the fresh blue sky and asks me, "How can you not miss this?" And I do. But then my tenacity kicks in, and I recall the decisions I have made that took me away from California. I have much waiting for me in New York, and I remain faithful to that.

I used to detest the December 31st looking-back exercise, finding it contrived. I felt we ought to always be making resolutions, always be learning from where we had been. But this year, I feel I have already spent an inordinate amount of time looking back at what was, feeling the sting of regret and longing, the choices I made, trying to find behaviorial patterns I didn't like and fix them, gazing back at all my experiences and figure out my strengths and weaknesses. And so I'm glad of December 31st, this year, because at when it ends, I will allow myself to be swept up in the global exercise of looking forward.

As wonderful as it was to ring in 2014 with strangers and friends in the blocks-long party of Times Square, I wanted this year's new celebration just to be with my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law and her family, my niece. So it will be. We are certain of each other. We are brimming with gratitude and joy and grace. This is life at its best and most sweet. This is how my new year will begin.
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