Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin

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I think I'm under too much stress

Most of the time I'm in a pretty good mood but I'll get these moments of intense unhappiness where I hate just about the entire world and everything in it. Maybe hate is too strong a word. I should say that just about the entire world and everything in it seems nothing more than a vague annoyance.
I think maybe I just have too much stuff to do. I keep thinking about my day and the things I need to get done today so that I have time to get the things done tomorrow that I need to do. I guess it's not a real great way of living. I have to get ahead on my work so I can spend time with my brother when he visits next weekend (10/24), then the weekend affter that I'll be getting ahead so that I can spend time with my parents when they visit the following weekend (11/8). The weekend of 11/14 is the Purdue competition, and then a week of working really really hard because classes end a week and a half following Purdue. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic at the thought of my family coming to visit me, and I'm reaaally looking forward to Purude. It's just I feel like there's so much on my plate, you know? It's hard to reconcile everything.
In the mean time I'm missing the way the fall colors are changing. I miss the way I can't understand my life and thoughts like I used to. I miss seeing you guys, miss Eric, miss Heidi. I'll be riding on the El and I'll see these suburban neighborhoods with their car lined streets, and people walking around their homes with their dogs and shopping bags and it makes me miss my own car and my own home and California.

I hate it when I get like this because I know it'll pass eventually. I know I'll eventually stop thinking about the things I have to do when I actually have to just get up and do them. But moments like this can be hard to get through. I just sit here and eat cookies and ramble on in my LiveJournal, hoping my words will do something for someone, and not just be me complaining. I don't know. I think this writing is therapeutic though, I feel a little lighter already. I think maybe things won't be so hard. Writing all these things down make me realize how lucky I really am, how well things are going with me, and how I shouldn't be so ungrateful for what I have. So where am I at the end of this entry? I'm not really sure, but as journals tend to go - it's a better place than where I started.
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