November 24th, 2006

Wilner

(no subject)

I slept for 9.5 glorious hours last night, a sleep of total unconsciousness and dreams unremembered. Thanksgiving passed in a haze of exhaustion and food. I awoke today to the sight of books and my bedroom window, an overstuffed armchair and the warmth of Heidi at my side. All at once I felt some odd peace come over me, as if my life were suddenly gentle calm and without end. "I could spend my days learning," I think "going out for simple days with friends in the sunlight and vigor, returning to my books and my writing."

Dan advised me yesterday that I should use this time to figure out what's important to me - this is something we all struggle with. And yet he also reminded me that I have all the time in the world. So this morning I awoke and it wasn't a struggle anymore. So much of me feels pressured to always be making decisions about things. When I awoke today, there were no more decisions to make. Only the steady wash of time and the leanings of the day. I let them carry me now, at least, for a little while. Today, I am free.