Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin


Yesterday, greatness walked back and forth before me 20 times. And then greatness played an encore.

For me, the greatness came flooding into the air like wind. I heard it first, saw its first quivering movements before it hit me. It stretched with taut fingers into my chest, every molecule wrapping itself around my cells, sent my heart pounding, my head reeling. It made my breath come hard through my lungs, and tears into my eyes. Greatness is what makes every nerve collapse into what I imagine it might have felt to cradle the violin as Joshua Bell did. His sweat was mine. My entire body was filled with the most intense emotion and longing. And I wondered "how is it that a mere man with an instrument can make me feel more emotions than I can on my own?"

Last night, I went to my first Joshua Bell concert. I don't think I will ever see him like I did last night. The lights half blinding me, him all in black, and his body bending and careening as one with the violin and music. My brother, Phil and I got our tickets in June of last year. Left side of Krannert. Front row.

He played the third movement of Grieg's Sonata No. 3 for Violin and Piano and I thought my heart was breaking. I know I had the most awed expression on my face, and as he walked offstage, he looked down right at me and smiled. The rest of the performance was brilliant, but nothing touched me like the Grieg. We got autographs after, but he was just tired and businesslike then, and it broke the illusion. I prefer him the way I saw him, the piano supporting him but really only him up there, him and the audience, and our hearts singing all together.


This morning fortunately my brother woke me at 6:45, because I set my alarm wrong. Phil and I were out the door in 15 minutes. We made it back to NU in 2.5 hours. I had just enough time to run inside, switch my binders in my backpack and go to the next three hours of class. It was sunny today. Beautiful.

The programming exercise was simple. Compile and run. No writing. Some people in my class don't know how to unzip files. I think I'm ahead of the game.

I've just been doing work all day. Making hot chocolate for myself from the mix that I got while staying with Robert and the milk I took from the dining hall. My head is elsewhere always. I've almost been run over twice this week. I forgot my keys on Thursday and got locked out of my room for 30 minutes. But somehow I think this is life the way it will never be again, and as each moment slips by I want it back. Even now my eyes are closing in tiredness.. but I don't want to sleep. Not from this. Not yet.
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