Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin

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Things you remember. Things you try to capture. Things that pass you by.

So I've been talking to my mom tonight, and she's been telling me all these things about people - people I knew, what they're doing, what they've done.

My neighbor down the street passed away but my mom said the memorial service wasn't sad at all, because so many people in the neighborhood had known her - a lot of them dog people (since her dog was a really friendly lab). She said that there was such a feeling of community that she came out feeling warm and fuzzy rather than grieving.

And then more news, of what people are doing in the summer and how they are doing now. Marriages, break-ups, beginnings and endings.

It also strikes me, all these people I know, people who have touched me and moved on, here they are in the midst of life changing events. Dealing with pain and happiness. It draws me out of where I am. I daydream. And people are experiencing these life changing events while I'm just sitting around in my dorm room. So many things that people go through - these victories and sadnesses.

How this all goes by us... people passing us, people coming to us and holding us in their world. It reminds me of the speech that Professor Morson made last year for his Last Lecture - the way we are all minor characters in the novels of other people. I think what we don't realize is that other people are minor characters in our novels too, that the things we do affect what we are, and who we are...The things we believe in.

I've been wishing so hard for this year to be over. I haven't realized yet how I have to let go of my own life to be a part of someone else's. I need to learn how, and I need to give more of myself. How have I been so selfish? I don't know how to change. I don't know how to capture these things that keep passing me by.

Funny how the lives of so many other people make you feel like you've lost control of your own.
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