Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin

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Long-distance and such

Well, not only am I in a long-distance relationship right now, but it's like...super long-distance. And I have to admit, it's one hell of a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Dan, I don' tknow hwo you did it for so long.

I know I usually don't write about much relationship stuff here, but I feel that my readers are wise, at least most of the time ;o) and might have some advice to offer. Maybe I just need to talk to someone about this, and well, why not the whole damn internet?

For once I feel like I'm not getting enough attention. Or not sharing enough of Jack's day. But is that possible, when neither of you has the time during the day, when the other person is awake, to actually share it? And how do you proceed? Do I simply accept that this is how it wil be, and despite the fact that it doesn't feel like a true "relationship" anymore, accept it and live with it? Or do I demand more and remain perpetually unsatisfied?

Hmm, such thoughts that swirl in my mind. Maybe part of the frustration stems from the fact that I ahve no control over it. I can't bring China closer to California :P I can't make the sun go faster across the sky (or make the earth turn faster, however you want to look at it), and I wouldn't ever ask Jack to do less while he has this opportunity to e in Beijing.

So maybe I just need to reach into some kind of inner core where there's an infinitely patient, wizened old lady, who is wise and possibly sitting on the top of a mountain, telling me that in order to be a good person, and to be the understanding, person that I must be in order to make this relationship survive, I must find the strength within myself to be independent now, to luxuriate in time as it passes, to not constantly grasp again and again for situations I cannot have. I am young, despite the fact that I have just become old, and no single day should be spent waiting for things that will not come, or yearning for things that cannot be.

Mm, so therein lies the solution, right? That a long-distance relationship cross-continents by its nature is one of separation both physically and mentally, and yet maintains that single thread of faith, the one that assures you again and again that you'll still care about each other when the months are gone and you stand together again. Otherwise it is simply torturous.
Tags: about cs, relationships
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