Anyway I finally feel like I have a real goal for my life now, I feel like I'm not just sitting by the wayside watching my opportunities and life go by. Through a series of unrelated but very influential events, I've finally decided that I want to go to MBA school/some robust MA communications program, and then move into working for conservation non-profits (see World Wildlife Fund, Conservation International, Wildlife Conservation Society). More specifically, doing lots of writing/communications and maybe some marketing/managerial functions. I don't want to go until Fall '09, so in the meantime I may decide to stay at Google forever, or I may decide that I want to go elsewhere. But for now, I'm very excited about having a goal, and it's let me be much, much more focused at work. For once, and thanks to my manager, I can see possibilities for me in writing without moving to the Editorial team. This is very good.
Dancing is hard these days. We're getting open routines and my partner's inexperience is starting to show. Or rather, my experience no longer complements his inexperience. We have more "unresolved" disputes, which we have to wait until our next lesson to look at. We're working on it. I miss social dancing, more often I think to myself "I want that evening back." Maybe it's time for me to take a hard look (once again!) at what I am, or am not, getting out of dancing anymore.
In the meantime I sit and ponder the meaning of life. Try to watch "So you think you can dance" and find some time for quilting. Some days all I really want to do is go home and read science fiction and veg, but there never seems to be time for that. There's always this "you should be productive!" voice that screams at me whenever I sit down. I used to just listen to it all the time, but lately I've started to think that it's the voice of crazy. Then again, there's also that "antsy" movement in my feet, that makes me crave all things new, and I wonder if I should just embrace the Crazy again.
I've been really good lately about reading NG.com and BBC news everyday. I like to think I'm keeping up more than ever. This morning I listened to NPR on my way to work and I liked it! Maybe I'm finally becoming engaged with my world in a way that I haven't been able to before. And when I start to worry too much, I try to look out at the trees and grass, or the birds, and delight in their alive-ness, and that makes me feel pretty good.