Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin

  • Music:

Growing old together

Today my grandmother told me to have children soon. She didn't mean it quite that way, though.. she meant it in gratitude for my companionship, as she continued to tell me how one of her sisters had no children and that old age can be lonely.

We sat together, the three of us (me and my grandparents) in the little restaurant, spooning dumplings into our mouths, and scooping up fish and rice cakes. It was so comfortable, like the entire day afterward.

Dance practice felt carefree today, there was a lightness and a freshness to it that I felt long missing. The slick floor beneath me, the late afternoon light filtering long through the windows, and the flash of cars passing on the freeway - it was so much there, so real and connected. Later, Derrick helped me with my Calculus homework, and I was less frustrated than I have been before. I can feel my mind stretching, struggling - it's a good feeling. Life has been too easy for too long. For so many months have I been silently slipping away from the world, from myself and the feelings I am capable of. The same routines rolling me from day to day, and me just taking it because I figure it's how it's supposed to be.

Now, with so many fires lighted inside me, those days crumple into ash and wisp upwards. I know it's the weekend, and when I return to work, it will feel the same again. But for now, I hold onto this day, willing my eyes open to prolong it. Hot chocolate sludge courses through me, and I think "this is me alive."

P.S. How is this for less angsty/sad, D?
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