Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin

Myself, found

Moses’ team has disappeared on him; he sits on the computer next to me, scratching his head over the translations. After lunch a group of kind, portly nuns arrive in a white van to tour Noloholo: Buddy and Laly are in a meeting so the Duke interns walk them (very slowly) around. The Noloholo hill and its rocky paths are not kind to old ladies in habits. This truly is an inspired place, with its mix of modernity (electricity, for example, and nested stonework) with traditional methods (termite-mound + cement + thatched roofing). Today’s light is filtered and soft, falling through a sheet of clouds like mist.

My work today is intense and focused. We interns eat lunch quickly, just 20 minutes break, while Laly and Buddy meet with a partner all day. Then, happily back to work.

The euphoria from yesterday holds into today. Something has turned in me and freed me from my fears. I am tired of so many months of letting life swing me along, caught in the river’s rush, the sensation of my choices being inevitable. I feel as if every moment is within my grasp now. In the morning, Tonui comes into the classroom, “Swala pala,” he says, beckoning us. From behind one of the curtains of the big round, we peek, and just 200 feet from the patio is a herd of impala. They blend in with the beige grasses behind them, perpetually concerned. This place truly is magical.

At the end of the day I stretch, and then go to the patio to write in my own journal. Myina lights the lanterns around the patios, bats flicker overhead, and the air smells like fragrance and incense. I sit there while darkness languishes in, the horizon long and wide before me. With every breath, happiness flows into my cells.

I think of the events that brought me to so much fear and insecurity from the past year, and for the first time, I realize that I feel gratitude rather than pain. That’s more like it, I tell myself. This is the me I know – learning from the past rather than regretting it, finding strength and confidence from failure, and seizing, finally, the possibilities of today.
Tags: about cs
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