Jennifer A. Chin (cswallow) wrote,
Jennifer A. Chin
cswallow

The life that I have

I woke up with a feeling of dread about the day, a fog hovering around me as I work and get groceries. "Are you okay?" asks Dora, "You look sad today." I feel not so much sad, as pensive and doomed. I keep wondering if I'm going to somehow get electrocuted or hit by a car. So it comes as strange kind of relief when my knife slips on the onion that I am cutting for dinner and the blade bites into my finger. It's not deep; and it's a clean cut, but it shocks me awake. I bleed, and I live.

Both dance and work have been productive this week. New projects come on to my plate, yesterday's lesson with Danny is fresh and liberating, and the overwhelming outpouring of support for the results of our first competition at Mid-Atlantic touched and inspired me deeply. Life is never easy, and the more commitments I make, the more risks I take, the messier it seems to get. But at the same time, following this dream brings a kind of clarity that I never before understood. I feel like between my partner, my family, best friends, coaches, other dancers in the studio, and of course, my employers, that I have the best team in the world backing me up. This is the life that I have.

Tomorrow we have our second competition, then a weekend off, before four competitions in a row throughout March. The prize at the end - USA Dance Nationals in Baltimore on March 29. But success is the journey, not the goal. Today I am alive, and today I am dancing.
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